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Idiots of 2007

I don’t know if these are true…but they’re funny!


Number One Idiot of 2007
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2007
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2007
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2007
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40. Wise guy........ But you still get a sign
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Number Five Idiot of 2007
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber th at he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later. This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six of 2007
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
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Idiot Number Seven of 2007
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, here's your sign
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Idiot Number Eight of 2007
I live in a semi-rural area. (Weyauwega, Wisconsin) We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' From Kingman, KS.
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If You Die, I Lose Money

Well I hate to put it so harshly, but that's the point that I was trying to get across to my friend today basically about a month and a half ago when the second generation of iPhone's was introduced to the public by Steve Jobs. Some people noticed that he was a little bit thinner than his last appearance(back story. Steve Jobs has had cancer and survived it once)well, this started rumors amongst the financial community analysts started calling into question his health when the Apple Corp. was contacted about Steve Jobs health. They were apply was. "It's a private matter"... this type of statement to analysts and investors will inevitably cause his stock to go downas my friend debated today what business is it of the public to know his health. As long as there are competent people behind the scenes, what difference does it makeI told her that it makes a big difference with certain companies as an investor and a trader I want to know that the person that I invest in their company is 100% mentally and physically capable of doing his or her job. And I don't want him or her doing anything to jeopardize my money in Steve Jobs case. Yes, there are 30,000 capable engineers and researchers to carry on the job. If God forbid something was to happen to himbut I told her. When you invest in Apple. You invest in a culture. There are millions of people who use iPhone's iPod Mac books and everything Steve Jobs he is for all intents purposes AppleI told her it would be different if it was Exxon Ross Department stores. TJ Maxx, because the public doesn't associate any of those CEOs with a face and at any of these CEOs could probably have an unfortunate demise and the company would run like clockworkBut Steve Jobs on the other hand God forbid if something were to happen to him most of the Macintosh users think that he is downstairs in his basement in drawing up design after design, and then he appears like some magical wizard to give you these cool gadgets. So, heaven forbid if something were to happen to him. The stock price would plummetso what do you think, if you are heavily invested in a company, should the health of the person running the company be public knowledge?

How to Travel by Cargo Ship

The Traveller's Notebook has a fascinating guide to travelling by cargo ship. I didn't realise that it was possible to travel by cargo ship, at least comfortably. It's not cheap though. It can cost between $80-$140 a day.
And if you are feeling adventurous you can travel around the world. The trip takes between 110-120 days and takes you to Papeete in Tahiti, various sparsely populated and unspoiled islands in the South Pacific, New Zealand, Papua New Guinea, Indonesia, Singapore then via the Suez Canal, before returning to Europe. There isn't a price listed on the website but it's probably not cheap.

Windows Vista... It's Not That Bad

Okay I will admit I was just like everyone else scared to death to give up Windows XP. I mean, it was reliable. It had already been around all the bugs were worked out not to mention all the horror stories. I had read and heard about Windows Vista being a nightmare but about two months ago. When I ordered my new laptop I started using Windows Vista and I can personally say it's not that bad. I haven't had any crashes. I really don't have to worry about losing data, because I don't keep any information on my laptop. All of my files that are really important to me are in two 500 GB storage centers that I can access anywhere, because they are on my home networkbut overall Vista is pretty smooth. I like the way you can toggle between pages with the pages looking like a three-dimensional simulation. Like in that movie minority report, and as far as maintenance. Its maintenance free defrag your computer or cleaning out old files manually is something you don't have to worry about Vista does it automaticallyI will admit the only thing that got on my nerves while I first started using Vista there is a safety feature that keeps you from deleting files accidentally while Vista will ask you about three times what they pop up message. If you really want to do it that took a bit getting used tobut from reading the articles I can disable thatI think Microsoft made the mistake of releasing Vista one year too soon. I feel bad for those people who were the first in line to pick up one of these copies and not wait till the bugs were worked outI'm thinking about getting a desktop, one of those all-in-one deals. Also XPS and Vista will also be on that toPS I was a coffee shop and I ask to look over this woman's shoulder while she was on her Mac book I'm sorry. I simply don't understand the appeal of Macintosh operating system

What the Frak is going on?

Just like 24. I was Johnny-come-lately to the new season of Battle Star Galactica. Actually, I started watching it about two years ago. I would catch an episode here and there, but I never really got into it just like 24



and just like with 24 I rented an season from Blockbuster spent the weekend watching it (I love back to back television with no commercial) and I was hooked. The first thing you notice is the robots don't look like they did when I was growing up. You know the ones back in the 70s with the red light blazing back and forth. They still exist, but the ones that mostly interact with humans look like the photograph above... and they love sex and are fully capable of snapping your neck... just like one of them did in the first episode. She saw a human baby was really curious asked the woman "could she hold it"... then just like that. She snapped the poor baby's neck and put it back in the stroller and walked off as if it was nothing



DAMN... but I guess that's the way the writers of the show want you to know although the the robots are not clunky with steel and have a red blazing eyeball. They are very lethal killing machines. Just like their brethren, they just have sexy skin covering them



and speaking of sexy. That's one thing that I've noticed in watching the episodes. The new Battle Star Galactica is heavily female driven Starbuck is a pilot Jock, who believes in drinking with the guys screwing the guys and occasionally going toe to toe with a serious right hook. She has no qualms about back talking her superior officers waiting for them to punch her out all the while. She is packing a right hook of her own and not afraid to use it. Even though she is often thrown in the brig after punching out one of her male officers or female



the bathrooms and living quarters aboard the Galactica are coed and you will often find yourself doing a double take were in my case rewinding the DVD because I knew I saw a nipple. And yes it was attached to a woman :-)... I did not know they can get away with this on basic cable. :-)



and the president of the fleeing colonies is also a woman, who is borderline power-hungry and dictatorial and uses her presidential authority to throw people out of airlocks. If she is not satisfied with their information



but I must admit, this series is heavy on characters and storyline. They really don't have a big budget for Star Wars type space battle scenes and you can tell. But the storyline and characters more than make up for the week to the average special effects



as my friend was telling me last night. That's probably why it appeals to so many women as she says. "Guys like to see things blown up." Women want to know why was it blown up?"... I think she may have a point



oh, and I forgot the language and the violence did I mention sex :-)... apparently on Battle Star Galactica everyone likes to cuss. So instead of saying Fuck or Fucking that word is replaced by Frak!! One any episode you can count how many times Frak is used up into the hundreds even during the sex scenes... Frak me for Frak harder!!



The only thing about being Johnny-come-lately with series like this that you realize are good. After you watch back to back episodes is sometimes it's the last and final season. Such is the case with 24 (but they are already talking about making that a theatrical movie)... and this is the final season for Battle Star Galactica... oh well I guess I will find another television series in a box set... I heard something about a program called Gray's anatomy. I wonder what that about? LOL

No Tears for This King

Today was always a hard day for my mother when she was alive. Today is the 40th anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King. My mother would always say this was a bittersweet day for her bitter because she knew where she was when she heard the news of Dr. King's assassination. I can only imagine her grief in my eyes. My mother was a strong woman, and I had only seen her cry. One time



that was the morning of the launch of the space shuttle Challenger. I was home from school that morning and was obsessed with watching the shuttle launch. She was in the kitchen, watching her television by this time, all of the major networks had stopped broadcasting the launch of the space shuttles. So I watched it on public television. The shuttle launched on time, rolled on its back, and in the words still haunt me "Challenger. You have permission for throttle up!! There was a pop in the sky rained down with parts of the Challenger



I screamed to my mother. "Mama the space shuttle just blew up!!... stop playing stew!"... as she turned to the channel by now every network had started broadcasting it by the time I got into the kitchen. She had tears streaming down her face. There were no words from her mouth. Just silence and eerie silence...



that was the most devastating thing my generation had seen up until the terrorist attacks on 9/11. But every year, looking back at April 4. I wonder what my mother's generation was going through and their leader was struck down by an assassin's bullet I can only imagine the devastation she felt. She never really talked about it. She just told me that I was the sweet part in this bittersweet day because I was born two weeks later to the day. She would ask me "Tucker, how old are you boy!"... I would say my age, and then she would tell me "do you know that two weeks ago to the day. They murdered a king."... as children often do, I would ask that inevitable question that sometimes has no answers... why. Why did they do that... her reply was always "I don't know sweetheart I will never understand man's inhumanity to man"...



by this time my father would be around and he would say "but you don't grieve for that man. He was never afraid to die that's right son good old Martin was probably looking right at that cracker. When he pulled the trigger and Martin was probably laughing, because Martin knew his work was done, because you can't kill a journey that we have to take"...



so a few weeks ago I ordered this documentary that you see above, because I want to get in the mindset I want to feel what my parents felt. It's an incredible documentary, probably the best one I have ever seen but it left me asking more questions. Not of the documentary about my mother and father



what would they think today 40 years later, we have a black man and a white woman almost steps from ascending to the highest office. It just seems so surreal watching white police officers make their dogs attack black people. And now 40 years later, things have changed so much. At least from my perspective, I can only imagine if they were alive, including Dr. King would what they think



I know one thing I do have my fathers in my brother's state of mind I don't fear death I don't fear any man. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or I'm becoming more like the men I admire... so today for me as my father told me will be no tears for Dr. King. Just a deep admiration and a silent prayer

The Scent of This Man

They say the second association to an actual memory is smell. I guess that's true, because every time I smell that peach smelling perfume and the pink bottle (and I can't think of the name) I automatically think of my first girlfriend. It's almost like your mind freezes up and transports back to the year you met her. I can almost hear her say her name right there on Haines point in Washington, DC... but anyway I digress. LOL I guess the same holds true for women as a matter of fact, I know this. It's a scientific fact that women's olfactory senses are far better than us male's well. It only follows to reason why you are a finely tuned gift from God, if only he gave you the ability to sniff out bad relationships. Okay I'm getting off of track. That's a whole another story... had a doctor Phil phone session this weekend... Tucker. I hate him... Tucker. He never pays attention to me... Tucker he takes me for granted... but I digress ANYWAY, back to smell... I pretty much have been wearing the same colognes since my teenage years Obsession, Gray flannel, Passion for men by Elizabeth Taylor, they've always worked for me especially Calvin Klein's obsession. I don't have to use that much (big brother's rule number one. "When you can still smell your Colón you have one too much of it") three shots to the body. My left shoulder my chest and my thigh... don't ask me why but judging by yesterday's Easter company. It still works that sigh of the woman makes followed by some random Spanish that I didn't understand was all the approval I needed :-) but it did get me to thinking. I have been so routine, and these three fragrances that I haven't tried anything new. I know from researching different companies every day for my stocks, that the perfume industry is a billion-dollar industry. People like to smell good. Thank God :-) I'm about to turn 40 in a few weeks, and I'm looking for opinions, and we all know, if you want someone's opinion the Internet is full of them. So what is your favorite fragrance or Colón, if you're a man, what works for you if you're a woman. What makes your knees weak... LOL I've heard so many strong opinions about smell on a man from "I would rip his clothes off right there and do him because he smelled so good"... to "he reminded me of my father when he walked by me and I smelled him"... that last one I don't know is good or bad, but maybe I'm tying things into sex... it wouldn't be the first time and it won't be the last time. Remember I'm turning 40 in a few weeks I will officially be a dirty old man. :-). So back to the question at hand what is your favorite fragrance or Colón on a man. What is that scent, that takes you there know where you're going I don't know. I just want to know what takes you there. LOL :-)